The guest list … a mine-field of forgotten distant connections, unrealistic expectations, and hurt feelings. How do you even begin to manage it?
Follow All Tied Up’s 4 simple steps to guest list development!
How many guests can your venue, your caterer, and your budget allow? There is a necessary sweet spot when looking at venue size, catering menu, and price – will your venue choice and desired menu drive your guest list, or vice versa? Only you can decide which is more important.
Get both sets of parents involved in developing the guest list. Once you have your “everyone’s on it” list – and the list from both families – you can begin to peruse them to determine if all those people are important to you and if you have the space to accommodate each and every one.
Need to make some delicate removals? Consider the tactics used in the Father of the Bride – place each guest’s name on an index card and take turns going through the cards, cutting one at a time until you’ve reached your target number. Or make a preliminary list of “must be invited” and “want to invite”. Start trimming from the “want” list in a strategic fashion until you’ve pared the number to something you can afford or venue can accommodate. Some couples choose to categorize guests as A, B, or C. The A’s are those relatives and friends that must be invited. If you have more space, add in the B’s and then the C’s as space allows. Another option for trimming is by those that will be traveling a long distance. If the guests have to travel a distance – and are not the closest of close – drop them from the list. They’ll probably be grateful they don’t have to try to make the trek.
Finally consider cutting by groups – all your running club is on the invite list, but you’re not really that close to any of them … consider cutting the whole group – that way no one feels diss’ed.
Kids … another difficult topic. If you make a “no kids allowed” policy – but then have a flower girl and ring bearer and cousin Josie’s kids … you might risk offending some of your guests. It’s possible to easily restrict invitations by ages or by inviting children to the reception rather than the ceremony. While you don’t want a mid-ceremony disruption, kids at weddings are simply adorable – and are a fact of life. Relax and enjoy their wide-eyed wonder at the wedding spectacular.
+ Ones. Say your sister has a new boyfriend – and she wants him to come – but you know it won’t last. Does he come or not? And then what about the old college chum that wants to bring her significant other with whom she’s been living for the last 7 years but you’ve never met him … now what? Determine early in your head count whether you can accommodate those additional heads and make the approval/denial based solely on the numbers – and stick to it. Any hedging and someone could be wildly upset.
Remember! In the long run, it’s really all about you. Don’t feel guilty about having to pare down your list. In the end, as long as you have your closest friends and relatives in attendance – that’s all you need.
Some will tout that on average, 20-25% of your invited guests will not attend – but when you are planning, don’t count on that number. It could be a very detrimental surprise if – when you do the final headcount – everyone chose to come and you’ve exceeded your venue space!
So, you’ve whittled down the list – now you need to get full names and addresses for everyone invited – and that is much more difficult than it sounds! Start early! – no one wants to be frantically addressing envelopes as they are finalizing the addresses. There are a multitude of free guest list templates online – or you can utilize a simple Excel spreadsheet – that will aid in tracking who were sent invitations and their responses. Definitely an essential for staying organized!
Be sure to mail your wedding invitations at least 2 months in advance – and even more if guests are traveling a distance. It’s difficult to be patient in waiting for RSVPs – don’t hesitate in being a bit of a nag so that you have that final headcount to provide to the caterer in time for the deadline.
Well, you’ve successfully made a list within your budget and everyone will fit in your venue – now comes ordering the invitations. And those invitations are the main mode of communication for your guests … our next post will focus on the etiquette and importance of those little pieces of paper.
